“Clearly there’s been a deliberate effort on the part of the people involved”, said a spokesperson for the band. “If you mention ‘Sneak’s Noise’ to any of the 75 nominating committee members – or even one of the approximately 1,000 music-industry professionals who vote on the committee’s nominations –  you’ll get a blank stare. The person will act as though they’ve never even heard of Sneak’s Noise.”

The band’s debut EP, A Surge of Existence, sold anywhere from 117 to 10,742 copies, depending on whom you ask. Add in the approximately seven or eight illegal cassette and home CD copies, and you get a certain number that may or may not be divisible by itself and one.

No Moss on This Stone

Since Surge’s release, members of the band have pursued their own illustrious careers. John Taglieri’s upcoming CD features the likes of legendary drummer Kenny Aronoff. And Tony Donato – Jack Brag founder and pioneer of the “punctual rock” movement – has just finished production of a Yoko Ono tribute album.

Thanks for nothing, Cleveland.

“Some of these texts are exchanged well past midnight”, observes Matera, who purchased a new drum set last year but has only played it twice – both times in Carey’s living room, whilst parts of it were muffled by towels. “It’s almost as though we might seriously think about really considering talking about how we should play another gig.”

Adds Carey, “We should definitely play again. I have lots of fun stuff we can work on. Plus, we often get free (or heavily discounted) drinks when we perform.”

Despite neither of them making tangible efforts toward causing anything they’ve discussed to actually happen, both appear to be talking a good game.

Or texting it, anyway.

STONYBROOK, NY  Citing the now widely-circulated Mayan prediction of the world’s end tomorrow, erstwhile North Jersey rockers Sneak’s Noise have announced plans to give up.

“What’s the point?”, queries frontman Ralph Carey. “If the Earth is completely destroyed, it will be a lot tougher to get gigs, especially paying ones.”

Added bassist Gus Tobar, “What the f&*k?!!”

Despite the apocalypse, vinyl copies of the band’s EP, A Surge of Existence, remain available. Please see the Store page of the band’s Web site to order yours.

358 Allen Road Hackettstown, New Jersey 07840).

No rehearsal, and they haven’t played together in over five years, so it should be interesting.

Lynx:

• Jam Bone Web Site
• Donaldson Farms Web Site

While it takes a missing person up to seven years to be declared legally dead, a faster track has been reserved for amateur rock combos, particularly those whose members exceed the federal limit of 173 uttered or written excuses for not recording or performing over a three-year period – while nonetheless continuing to refer to themselves as a “band”.

In granting the group a designation typically reserved for cartoon characters, superheroes, and online dating profiles, Judge Rass warns all has, woulda, coulda, and shoulda beens that “no amount of hairbrush singing or drunken affirmations of your ambitions can ever establish you as an actual creative entity.”

Members of the “band” were not available for comment.

As ever, Noise fans are left wondering.

Although the band never released a chart-topping single or commemorative mug set, its music left an imperceptible mark on all those affected by it. In response, fans of the Noise have been refusing to mention this indignity to anyone. Many have taken to acting as though they’ve never heard of the band, a show of solidarity likely to continue through not only this April’s induction ceremony but also televised coverage of it in May.

Meanwhile, members of the band and their immediate families have elected to stay away from this year’s nuptials. Some of them may even refuse to watch it the following month on HBO, particularly those not subscribed to cable or satellite TV.

While Sneak’s Noise itself has not been granted Wikipedia-style immortality, one of its alumni certainly has. John Taglieri, who handled lead guitar, along with backing and occasional lead vocals back in the band’s formative days, is now on Wikipedia.

“He certainly deserves recognition for his talent, hard work, and persistence” contends drummer and founding Noise member Mike Matera. “Plus, he let us hang onto a piece of his 1988 Mitsubishi Cordia before leaving Sneak’s Noise to join a nationally-touring band. That was awful nice of him.”

Taglieri apparently left behind a removable section of his Mitsubishi hatchback’s rear interior when transporting equipment to and from the band’s rehearsal space. “He joined this other band and never came back for part of his car. That says something about a man’s character and priorities.”

While no one knows what happened to that part of his car, speculation is that John did ultimately return for it a year or two later. Terms of its release were never made public, and it is alleged that he has since moved on to another vehicle.

In any case, the members of Sneak’s Noise are pleased to see John getting the recognition he deserves. To view his Wikipedia entry, please click here.