NEWARK, NJ   Referencing a little-known, rarely-used statute affecting creative aspirants – most notably slacker musicians and bands – district-court Judge Uppyar Rass officially declared North Jersey “rockers” Sneak’s Noise a fictitious band. Citing the group’s lack of meaningful activity amidst years of feeble attempts at self-promotion, Rass acted promptly and decisively to relegate the “band” to fantasy status.

While it takes a missing person up to seven years to be declared legally dead, a faster track has been reserved for amateur rock combos, particularly those whose members exceed the federal limit of 173 uttered or written excuses for not recording or performing over a three-year period – while nonetheless continuing to refer to themselves as a “band”.

In granting the group a designation typically reserved for cartoon characters, superheroes, and online dating profiles, Judge Rass warns all has, woulda, coulda, and shoulda beens that “no amount of hairbrush singing or drunken affirmations of your ambitions can ever establish you as an actual creative entity.”

Members of the “band” were not available for comment.

LYNDHURST, NJ  January 1, 2012 – Ralph Carey and Mike Matera, founding members of North Jersey band Sneak’s Noise, celebrated the New Year by jamming live in Ralph’s living room. Carey took on lead vocals and electric guitar whilst Matera supplied drums and the occasional backing “vocal”.

Playing as a duo at Ralph’s place is precisely how the band began. “Ralph and I have always worked well together”, says Mike. “We were even equally late for tonight’s festivities.”

In the band’s early days, before other members were brought on board, Carey and Matera met weekly to arrange, practice, and record original songs. “It’s easier to decide where a song should go when it’s just guitar and drums”, adds Carey.

Prior to the evening’s impromptu jam (they came up with the idea the night before), Carey and Matera hadn’t played together in almost three years. The raw results of their scarcely rehearsed meanderings, which include both an old (previously unrecorded) composition and a new one, can be viewed on the Videos page (see “It’s Raining Out” and “Giuli Giuli”).