KEARNY, NJ

Sneak’s Noise founding (foundering?) members Ralph Carey and Mike Matera reunited this past December to play three rock ‘n roll songs at Shawn’s Crazy Saloon in Kearny, NJ. In what seemed like a situation that just couldn’t get any better, they were joined by former Soul Engines’ bassist Gino Scelza for a rousing set that had at least one person reportedly tapping a foot.

Early indications are that the alleged foot-tapping was not, in fact, due to its owner’s limb falling asleep whilst consuming four mimosas and a Heineken. More details will follow as they become available.

Meanwhile, it has also been confirmed that the uber-talented guitarist (and all-around neat guy) Gerard Piserchia was also in ‘da house. Next time, the S’noize Boyz hope to have the honor of playing some tunes with him (legend has it that he once jammed with the band in their North Bergen practice space one happenstance evening).

And, while we’re on the topic, rumor has it that at least one of the people on stage during the alleged musical mélange was garbed in such a manner as to evoke a striking resemblance to a certain King of rock ‘n roll. If you can guess who it was and what their favorite type of pecan pie is, you will be entitled to a free Sneak’s shout-out on the band’s illustrious Facebook page.

We apologize for the delay on reporting this story, but we were advised by a guy dressed as a CPA to wait until the start of a new fiscal year. Also, it took a while to find parking. You’re welcome.

“Clearly there’s been a deliberate effort on the part of the people involved”, said a spokesperson for the band. “If you mention ‘Sneak’s Noise’ to any of the 75 nominating committee members – or even one of the approximately 1,000 music-industry professionals who vote on the committee’s nominations –  you’ll get a blank stare. The person will act as though they’ve never even heard of Sneak’s Noise.”

The band’s debut EP, A Surge of Existence, sold anywhere from 117 to 10,742 copies, depending on whom you ask. Add in the approximately seven or eight illegal cassette and home CD copies, and you get a certain number that may or may not be divisible by itself and one.

No Moss on This Stone

Since Surge’s release, members of the band have pursued their own illustrious careers. John Taglieri’s upcoming CD features the likes of legendary drummer Kenny Aronoff. And Tony Donato – Jack Brag founder and pioneer of the “punctual rock” movement – has just finished production of a Yoko Ono tribute album.

Thanks for nothing, Cleveland.

Weehawken, NJ  North Jersey rockers Sneak’s Noise announced today that they plan to re-disband by the end of March. A spokesman for the group confirmed that the band members had been considering a series of comeback appearances, until it was discovered that a modest combination of focus and effort would be required on their part. Talks to reconsider the renewed dissolution remain stalled; however, all members will get to keep whatever health benefits they had under the old arrangement.

“Some of these texts are exchanged well past midnight”, observes Matera, who purchased a new drum set last year but has only played it twice – both times in Carey’s living room, whilst parts of it were muffled by towels. “It’s almost as though we might seriously think about really considering talking about how we should play another gig.”

Adds Carey, “We should definitely play again. I have lots of fun stuff we can work on. Plus, we often get free (or heavily discounted) drinks when we perform.”

Despite neither of them making tangible efforts toward causing anything they’ve discussed to actually happen, both appear to be talking a good game.

Or texting it, anyway.

STONYBROOK, NY  Citing the now widely-circulated Mayan prediction of the world’s end tomorrow, erstwhile North Jersey rockers Sneak’s Noise have announced plans to give up.

“What’s the point?”, queries frontman Ralph Carey. “If the Earth is completely destroyed, it will be a lot tougher to get gigs, especially paying ones.”

Added bassist Gus Tobar, “What the f&*k?!!”

Despite the apocalypse, vinyl copies of the band’s EP, A Surge of Existence, remain available. Please see the Store page of the band’s Web site to order yours.

If you’re in the Hackettstown, NJ area this Friday, Mike is filling in on drums with Rich Plumpton’s band, Jambone. It’s an outdoor gig – from 6-8pm – at a place called Donaldson Farms:

358 Allen Road Hackettstown, New Jersey 07840).

No rehearsal, and they haven’t played together in over five years, so it should be interesting.

Lynx:

• Jam Bone Web Site
• Donaldson Farms Web Site

NEWARK, NJ   Referencing a little-known, rarely-used statute affecting creative aspirants – most notably slacker musicians and bands – district-court Judge Uppyar Rass officially declared North Jersey “rockers” Sneak’s Noise a fictitious band. Citing the group’s lack of meaningful activity amidst years of feeble attempts at self-promotion, Rass acted promptly and decisively to relegate the “band” to fantasy status.

While it takes a missing person up to seven years to be declared legally dead, a faster track has been reserved for amateur rock combos, particularly those whose members exceed the federal limit of 173 uttered or written excuses for not recording or performing over a three-year period – while nonetheless continuing to refer to themselves as a “band”.

In granting the group a designation typically reserved for cartoon characters, superheroes, and online dating profiles, Judge Rass warns all has, woulda, coulda, and shoulda beens that “no amount of hairbrush singing or drunken affirmations of your ambitions can ever establish you as an actual creative entity.”

Members of the “band” were not available for comment.

February 22, 2012    Edging out voter sentiment for a Foghat reunion by 2 to 1, North Jersey-based rock band Sneak’s Noise has garnered – as of 2:45pm today – a whopping three votes in its Web site poll. The poll has been active since July, and asks visitors whether the band should ever play again. It’s clear that the public is eager for Sneak’s Noise to return to the stage. The only question is whether the boys will ride this wave of excitement into another gig – before the fervor abates.

As ever, Noise fans are left wondering.

Although the band never released a chart-topping single or commemorative mug set, its music left an imperceptible mark on all those affected by it. In response, fans of the Noise have been refusing to mention this indignity to anyone. Many have taken to acting as though they’ve never heard of the band, a show of solidarity likely to continue through not only this April’s induction ceremony but also televised coverage of it in May.

Meanwhile, members of the band and their immediate families have elected to stay away from this year’s nuptials. Some of them may even refuse to watch it the following month on HBO, particularly those not subscribed to cable or satellite TV.