STONYBROOK, NY  Citing the now widely-circulated Mayan prediction of the world’s end tomorrow, erstwhile North Jersey rockers Sneak’s Noise have announced plans to give up.

“What’s the point?”, queries frontman Ralph Carey. “If the Earth is completely destroyed, it will be a lot tougher to get gigs, especially paying ones.”

Added bassist Gus Tobar, “What the f&*k?!!”

Despite the apocalypse, vinyl copies of the band’s EP, A Surge of Existence, remain available. Please see the Store page of the band’s Web site to order yours.

NEWARK, NJ   Referencing a little-known, rarely-used statute affecting creative aspirants – most notably slacker musicians and bands – district-court Judge Uppyar Rass officially declared North Jersey “rockers” Sneak’s Noise a fictitious band. Citing the group’s lack of meaningful activity amidst years of feeble attempts at self-promotion, Rass acted promptly and decisively to relegate the “band” to fantasy status.

While it takes a missing person up to seven years to be declared legally dead, a faster track has been reserved for amateur rock combos, particularly those whose members exceed the federal limit of 173 uttered or written excuses for not recording or performing over a three-year period – while nonetheless continuing to refer to themselves as a “band”.

In granting the group a designation typically reserved for cartoon characters, superheroes, and online dating profiles, Judge Rass warns all has, woulda, coulda, and shoulda beens that “no amount of hairbrush singing or drunken affirmations of your ambitions can ever establish you as an actual creative entity.”

Members of the “band” were not available for comment.

February 22, 2012    Edging out voter sentiment for a Foghat reunion by 2 to 1, North Jersey-based rock band Sneak’s Noise has garnered – as of 2:45pm today – a whopping three votes in its Web site poll. The poll has been active since July, and asks visitors whether the band should ever play again. It’s clear that the public is eager for Sneak’s Noise to return to the stage. The only question is whether the boys will ride this wave of excitement into another gig – before the fervor abates.

As ever, Noise fans are left wondering.

Although the band never released a chart-topping single or commemorative mug set, its music left an imperceptible mark on all those affected by it. In response, fans of the Noise have been refusing to mention this indignity to anyone. Many have taken to acting as though they’ve never heard of the band, a show of solidarity likely to continue through not only this April’s induction ceremony but also televised coverage of it in May.

Meanwhile, members of the band and their immediate families have elected to stay away from this year’s nuptials. Some of them may even refuse to watch it the following month on HBO, particularly those not subscribed to cable or satellite TV.

LYNDHURST, NJ  January 1, 2012 – Ralph Carey and Mike Matera, founding members of North Jersey band Sneak’s Noise, celebrated the New Year by jamming live in Ralph’s living room. Carey took on lead vocals and electric guitar whilst Matera supplied drums and the occasional backing “vocal”.

Playing as a duo at Ralph’s place is precisely how the band began. “Ralph and I have always worked well together”, says Mike. “We were even equally late for tonight’s festivities.”

In the band’s early days, before other members were brought on board, Carey and Matera met weekly to arrange, practice, and record original songs. “It’s easier to decide where a song should go when it’s just guitar and drums”, adds Carey.

Prior to the evening’s impromptu jam (they came up with the idea the night before), Carey and Matera hadn’t played together in almost three years. The raw results of their scarcely rehearsed meanderings, which include both an old (previously unrecorded) composition and a new one, can be viewed on the Videos page (see “It’s Raining Out” and “Giuli Giuli”).

Reflecting on a year’s relative lack of accomplishment, the members of former North Bergen-based band Sneak’s Noise vowed that changes are in order. Their first goal? Double the number of shows played in 2012 as were played in the past two years.

“As lofty as it sounds”, observes Gus Tobar, the band’s erstwhile bassist, “we are starting with what we believe to be our most manageable goal. In fact, I’m so certain we can meet this milestone that I am upping the ante; we will accomplish that feat by the middle of the new year.”

Time will tell whether the band can muster its collective will and make good on its promise.